So today has kinda mixed feelings, today was my last post autism support group im sad i wont have that support anymore and theres a total lack of support in my borough. Im glad i have the recovery cafe but i dunno how long my will support will last and that in itself is daunting.
Spent time at the cafe in town with friends which was pretty chilled, but reflective for me as we was talking about relationships, most of my friendships are with people my parents age and i find it refreshing they can be so open with me. However, sometimes i feel like i have nothing to give back in conversations. Like i can see they arent being treated right but know i cant change it i cant even find my own romantic relationship without being taken advantage of.
It was just lastnight i was just thinking if i didnt go to the hospital or police to report my ex maybe i could of made it work. Which is kinda of ridiculous as if i didnt i would of still been oblivious to the fact he was lying about his name and i dunno what else. I mean if he'd got me pregnant I'd be fucked excuse my french but how could i hold him accountable under a false name.
I dont trust anyone anymore.
Sometimes i just dont feel equipped to have conversations with people.
Its the same as in the group this morning they was saying places like the recovery cafe are safe vetted places but i got him to register there its not like they ask for a CRB/DBS. Nowheres really totally safe and you cant walk up to new people and ask for a background check before i get to know you.
I dont want this experience to change me but it is, maybe i was gullible and too trusting.
My friend said today she doesnt know how my parents birthed me im nothing like them or my siblings - ive been saying that all my life!
Met my best mate at costa today then went to art group, did my impression of alexithymia in picture form. Despite it being a challenging group for me as the art materials were a mess and meant you moved one thing and everything fell. When i commented on this saying quietly to my friend it was more organised with the old teacher. Its times like this i miss her my friend agreed and the current teacher promptly said well you can leave. But i spoke to staff and went back and just put my headphones on.
Now going home to bed.
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