Part 1
So i havent really spoken about this, im not gonna say what i did but when i was in hospital with severe burn out my action left me in a life threatening situation. Where staff trying to save me from myself inevitably made the situation worse.
Following this my anxiety surrounding getting into burn out and the speed of my impulsivity in it has really heightened to the point where i just feel safe in my own home where i can control my surroundings, the thought of having to go out and get my meds today is terrifying me... I know its something i have to do to overcome this hibernation phase. But the idea of putting myself in another situation with so many sensory triggers is daunting so close to such a long period of burn out and just coming home and i have to go out tomorrow anyway. So im trying to see it as a practise run.
Part 2
So i had the home treatment team which was a semi positive experience as i had to correct them about who was involved in my care - but hopefully some certainty can come out of this. I got out and collected my meds, went to the cafe in the local town only to find mum had told them about my local sprint in hospital. She didnt disclose her part in my emotional distress which is typical of her to be frank. Least i take ownership for my issues. I went to the recovery cafe this evening and vented about my experience of burn out and increased impulsivity, which really took a load off and she reinforced my need to look after myself and put boundaries in place and stick to them. Im on my way home now and planning to chill out, do some printing for tomorrow and watch some tv. Might get something to eat as havent eaten yet.
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