So today i was planning to rest but did that work no! Still ending up going to the local health and wellbeing group. Being chilled out with like-minded people doing crafts actually helps - today i did a simple quilling activity. Which can be seen on my page. I've been listening to a lot of podcasts lately to gain further insight into my own health. I've today heard life not referred to as a 'journey' but as a 'safari' and i feel this sits a lot better with me, as its not a smooth ride theres many bumps along the way.
Most of you will know is valentine's day tomorrow i will be spending it with my best mate, but in the back of my mind i think naturally there is the fact that this time last year i was with a guy i honestly felt like was my soulmate. We were planning the future trying for a baby only for me to eventually find out he was a manipulative piece of crap who was possibly even lying about his name. I only found this out after he shared my medical info with me over whatsapp and i put in a formal complaint. Im still waiting on closure for this.
I've also been thinking alot about masking, ive developed a life surrounded by people with mental health and neurodiversity. So i feel safe unmasking except with family (my sister not included). The thought of being part of the big wide world scares me if im honest, i dont know how I'd fit in if i went back to work id feel like i have to mask, id be in burn out all the time, my adhd would be doing overtime taking as many shifts as possible. It would be physically debilitate more than life does already.
So im definitely still burnt out im snapping at everyone, overly tired and tearful. Everytime i think i can pull myself out of this something else knocks me back down again. Someone cancels on me, or i feel like im getting invalidated or mixed messages. I hate myself for who i am right now but i just cant see a way forward.
So im gonna try taking a nap...
Comments