Still burnt out and exhausted and now more things are adding to it. Can i please get a break! I feel like the floors coming out from underneath me.
So i had a phone call from the Complex Needs Service today and I no longer meet their criteria now they didnt say this but that inadvertedly means i dont have borderline personality disorder. With means i dont have access to any BPD services. So all i worked towards with my counsellor has gone to rubbish.
Im in a whirlwind of despair there arent services for people who self harm and suffer with autism and adhd.
I spoke to someone else today who explained to me it sounds like my autism and my adhd are fighting one another. Im in burn out but adhd makes me power on. I feel like im stuck in a constant internal and external fight with the world.
I dont know where im meant to go from here i dont know what support is going to look like in the future i find it all really unnerving.
I gave in to self harm today its the only thing that seems to regulate me. Overwhelm got too much i cant tell you how much not really knowing what im feeling screws me up. I mean all i know is self blame and failure, i just feel like im letting everyone down. Theres no services that deal with ASD, ADHD and self harm feels like theres no hope again.
I also realised today im really paranoid about people on their phones thinking they are recording me or taking photos of me, as last week a stranger at the local cafe had a photo of me on his phone i was informed by a friend who got him to remove it.
Nothing feels safe at the moment!
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