So todays been a hell of a day I've been up since 2am, I've had the boiler people over and my previously mentioned Complex Needs appointment. Well I feel that was a waste to be honest.
As an autistic individual i find it incredibly difficult when people aren't blunt with me and talk around things. So for half of this appointment I felt like we was dancing around chatting crap (well mainly the professional). Then she says to me so I'll leave you to go home and consider what you want to do. At which point, I was like you haven't actually told me the options I am considering.
I then asked out of curiosity whether I still have BPD if I didn't self harm. I asked further about the criteria that made me fit the diagnosis as I generally wanted to understand why when I've changed so much I still fit the criteria. She brought up an inability to hold relationships specifically my care coordinator. Now my care coordinator withdrew from me - it wasn't my fault , I put in a formal complaint. All my other relationships are ok!
Also she picked up on a fear of abandonment which I think is natural when you've lost so many people to death it's called grief. I feel autistic people feel it harder then others, just like they struggle with change.
She also said I'm not threatening but you don't accept therapy you probably wont have the community mental health team.
So it ended with her saying she needs to talk to her team again.
I'm left feeling like I messed up cos if they take away the BPD diagnosis I'm not eligible for their service and I might lose community team.
I promptly called the community team to see what happens if CNS don't accept me, to which I got the response I don't know I'll have to ask the team, but we'll cross that bridge when we come to it.
Anyways off to distract and chill out with my best mate-this is how my best days end...
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